Some things I do to connect with the good in my life, and ideas for developing your own gratitude practice.
Summary: My gratitude practice has come about from my upbringing, glass-half-full perspective, and a daily check-in with my partner of our favourite things that day. Other ideas include gratitude walks around your neighbourhood, taking photos of the things you’re grateful for, and writing thank you letters (without actually sending them).
My gratitude practice
I never deliberately developed a “gratitude practice” but one day I just kind-of… had one? I thought if I write about what’s shaped mine and the things I do here, it might help someone else develop their own đ±
Mine has three parts:
- Family/upbringing â what I saw growing up, and who I learned from
- Frame of mind â to look for the good wherever possible
- Daily ritual â picking a favourite thing and sharing it with my partner at the end of every day
Family/upbringing
I was extremely lucky to grow up in a loving, supportive environment, with parents who taught me gratitude, empathy and organisation skills through how they lived their lives and how I was “parented”. As a new parent, I’m hoping to pass on these same lessons to my daughter now, and know it comes from a combination of what they hear (what we tell them) and what they see (what we actually do).
Growing up, Mum had the most fantastically fit-for-purpose Tupperware in our slide-out pantry. The containers each held the logical amount of their intended ingredient, which was clearly labelled on the front. Flour, cornflakes, brown sugar, oats. You never found the wrong thing in the wrong container. And they were magically* never empty âš
*Later in life I would discover that this requires the proactive adding of things to the shopping list before they run out, but not so early that you need to store the runover while you wait for it to get used up. This is AN ART.
So that’s who I was learning from, as she learned from her mother before her, and that set the scene for my absurdly particular and savagely practical personal systems to flourish and evolve into the perfectly formed human I am today (ha! Kidding. I’m probably a robot). I am me because of these two extraordinary women, and their nerdy organisational quirks đ«¶
When it comes to gratitude, I saw both my parents appreciating the things and experiences we had, from a well tended garden, to a trip to Fiji, or a tasty Vietnamese meal â nothing was ever taken for granted, and I’m still carrying those lessons with me too.
Frame of mind
I’m a glass half full girlie but this doesn’t always come naturally; it takes continuous work and practice, and often means looking for learnings in the hard stuff đ„
Right now for example, with everything happening in the world, I’ve never felt more grateful for the roof over my head and a feeling of relative safety. Having ulcerative colitis and parenting-related sleep deprivation are certainly hard, but not as hard as living through war, fire or any other disaster*. I try to keep focusing on the little positives in my days, raising a happy daughter, and taking care of myself as best I can.
*Relatedly: This PDF resource for anyone dealing with feelings of distress or overwhelm is a good one.
Daily ritual
At the end of every day, my partner and I tell each other what our favourite thing was that day. “Thing” is a loose term here – it could be a literal thing, or a moment, a feeling, something we ate, something we watched, something our cat did, or a TikTok Susan sent me. Even on the crappy days, we’ll force ourselves to dig up one thing that didn’t suck, like the peanut butter on toast we had for breakfast, or the 5 minutes we got to spend in the sun on our lunch break.
This is the last thing we say to each other before turning out the light, and I’m sure it’s feeding my subconscious mind with gratitude nutrition (is that a thing?) while I sleep. It’s quite possibly the powerful tool in my set.
If you don’t have a partner, you could do this in a text to your bestie, a paper journal, or in your own head. Some days you will absolutely feel like nothing made the cut, but that’s why I recommend the “favourite thing” approach – every day has an incredible assortment of things in it, and if nothing else, one of them must’ve been less bad than the rest.
On the good days, it’s hard to narrow it down to just one! If I had to though, on most days my favourite thing is a tie between my partner and our daughter â€ïž
Build your own gratitude practice
According to ChatGPT, gratitude is about finding ways to genuinely connect with the good in your life. I like this definition!
Here are some gratitude practice ideas it came through with:
đ· Gratitude Snapshots: Instead of writing things down, try capturing gratitude with your camera. Snap photos of small, beautiful, or meaningful moments throughout your day: your morning coffee, a funny moment with your child, or the sunlight streaming through the window. At the end of the week, review the photos as a reminder of the little joys you might otherwise forget.
đ§ Create a Gratitude Playlist: Music has a way of amplifying emotion, so why not use it to amplify gratitude? Build a playlist of songs that make you feel thankfulâwhether itâs for lifeâs beauty, people you love, or just a good mood. Listen to it when youâre feeling low, or as part of your morning or evening routine.
đŻ Gratitude JarâWith a Twist: The classic gratitude jar involves writing things youâre thankful for and adding them to a jar. Take it further by colour-coding your notes: yellow for personal achievements, blue for relationships, green for experiences, and so on. At the end of the month or year, you can visually see which areas brought you the most joy.
đ Thank-You Letters (That You Donât Send): Writing thank-you notes to people whoâve impacted your life is a powerful way to express gratitude. But you donât always have to send them. Write to a childhood teacher, an old friend, or someone you admire but have never met. Reflecting on what theyâve contributed to your life can be a powerful gratitude exercise in itself.
đż Practice âMicro-Gratitudeâ: Instead of looking for big-picture things to be thankful for, focus on the micro-moments. Feel grateful for the warm water in your shower, the smell of freshly brewed tea, or the softness of your favourite jumper. Training your mind to notice small comforts can make gratitude feel more tangible and immediate.
đł Gratitude Walks: Combine movement with mindfulness by taking a gratitude walk. As you stroll through your neighbourhood or a park, make a mental list of things youâre thankful for. It could be the crispness of the air, the sound of birds, or a friendly wave from a neighbour. Walking helps clear your head, and adding gratitude makes it even more rejuvenating.
đ€ Gratitude Through Giving: One way to deepen your gratitude practice is to give back. Whether itâs donating time, money, or support, the act of giving helps you recognise the abundance in your own life. For example, donate to a cause you care about or offer help to someone in needâand reflect on how fortunate you are to be in a position to do so.
đ Turn Complaints Into Thanks: Challenge yourself to find the silver lining in frustrations. Stuck in traffic? Be thankful for the time to listen to your favourite podcast. Dealing with a messy house? Appreciate the people (or pets) who create that mess. This doesnât mean dismissing real strugglesâitâs about shifting your focus when itâs possible to do so.
đ§ââïž Gratitude Meditation: Take a few minutes to sit quietly and focus on things youâre grateful for. Imagine them as warm light filling your body, spreading outward with each breath. Gratitude meditations can help you start or end your day with a sense of peace.
đȘ„ Create a Gratitude Ritual: Incorporate gratitude into an existing habit to make it stick. For example, every time you sit down to eat, think of one thing youâre thankful for. Or as you brush your teeth, reflect on something good that happened that day. Pairing gratitude with a daily activity makes it easy to weave into your routine.
Closing Thoughts
Gratitude isnât about ignoring challenges or pretending everythingâs perfect, itâs about finding glimmers of joy in the dark days, and learning to appreciate the ordinary or “boring” parts of life.
Whatâs a small thing youâre grateful for today? Let me know in the commentsâIâd love to hear!